Dear Everyone Else,

Would you totally judge me, point and laugh, poke my rolls, and/or call me pothole maker if I just blog about eating? In a truthful kinda way?

Dear Kate,

I am eating one of your Reese's Klondike bars. Right Now. Thanks.

more things I hate

putting the worm on the hook
taking the worm off of the hook
vomit
bird poop
sucky windshield wipers
text forwards
email forwards
MySpace spammers
losing
offices with no windows
mean people who are fake nice
ticketmaster surcharges
beer lines
pollen
physics
Dave Matthews Band
slow computers
blue screen of death
cramps
Wal-Mart
mice
eating things with bones
fruit that's not cut-up, except bananas
spilling things on my shirt
Crash
lumpy pillows
reallocating
know-it-alls who know nothing
Charlie Sheen's clothes on Two and a Half Men
Two and a Half Men
Verizon not having the iPhone
cliff hangers
cinnamon gum
cinnamon mints
waiting in line
boots in May
bluetooth
the doorbell
disorganization
hold music
ringback tones
jail shows
wrinkles
the security guards
the dance party next door
boogers
shredded wheat
the green gook in crabs
the green gook in lobster
broken nails
being allergic to beans
malt liquor
reggae music
terrible towels
Cindy's car
Jesus's car

things I hate:

cats
Adam Lambert
humidity
humidity in my house
snakes
delivery trucks
mushrooms
nightmares
things that smell weird
stains
waiting
Ike Ranz
Old R&B
New R&B
people that say "dawg"
bugs
wet socks
the Cowboys
slipping, tripping, falling
people who do Jim Carrey impressions
flossing
waking up before 8am
season finales
olives
shaving
razor burn
skinny jeans
being hot
being really cold
being really hungry
being really full
being really tired
not being able to sleep
bourbon
geometry
the Penguins
people who take 2hr "lunches"
bad parking jobs
carnations
honey dew
blisters
itchy clothes
bug bites (not the snacks)
sunburn
wet pant hems
SoCo and Lime
browning lettuce
Monday
Woody Allen movies
lack of vacay
bathing suits
orange juice
condensation
Speidi
pho
vaccumming
my checking account
my savings account
gerbils
hamsters
traffic
Ob Ustin
lipstick
dirty dishes
wine bars
squirrels
rust
all the fun stuff SAIC ruins
Iraq
Afghanistan
kevlar
pallets
taking out the trash
voicemail messages
lint
bad breath
camping
hangovers
ironing
splinters
embarrassment
lonliness
scary movies
thunderstorms
natural disasters
dreams about natural disasters
killers (not "the")
burglars
Burger King
caveman commercials

oh, and...

I haven't uttered a single word out loud in over four hours. It feels weird. It makes me wonder how long it would be before I couldn't talk anymore? My mouth kinda feels glued shut, like it's broken. I probably won't talk anymore tonight I probably won't talk until I get to Starbucks in the morning. I hope it doesn't sound weird. This hasn't really ever happened before...

geez!

I totally forgot I had a blog....except that's a lie. Well, kinda. I forgot about the blog. Bitches be like, "what's up with the blog, yo?", and then I'm like, right! the blog! So, I shall now blog about not blogging and blogs-to-be and, most importantly, I am not a fan of the word blog at all......

As previously stated, I may or may not have forgotten the blog, therefore I didn't do it.

I promise to blog more often so that we don't have to have this talk again. I promise, OK! Promise! It may not be every day, but it'll happen more often than not.

I hate the word blog, the fact it's used as a verb (blogging), and that I am not in some circles, or this circle, referred to as a blogger. I'm going to think of a new word.

but really

i was forced to blog!! had it started for me, and announced to the world!! i felt so calm and in control last night, and now that i can watch whatever i want on tv i'm too flustered by blogging to move on!! somebody get kate a tv stat so she can watch naomi drag race on 90210 and i can go back to my witty status updates!!

f this. i'm going to starbucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is why I blog....

or more appropriately, this is why I will blog...

it's 11:46pm, and I'm wide awake! i think it's a curse from my paternal grandmother who used to sleep until noon, drive down one-way streets, drink tea with bourbon and then switch to bourbon with coke at 5pm, and stay up until 4 in the morning cleaning the screens from her windows, typing letters and speeches, and watching infomercials.... i also have her hands, but that trait doesn't stand out nearly as much as the aforementioned facts. i wish that i hid money around the house so i'd have surprises later....but I digress.

it's 11:5opm now, and it didn't take me long to get completely off track. i'm still wide awake, and still blogging. no one is online to play wordscrapper right now because all my friends and family have things like husbands and children and reasons to get up before 8am. i have chach and hd tivo, and the combination can be dangerous to both your eyes and ears. in the last 45 minutes, since i got home and started my blogger life, he's watched the following shows: "gangland: everybody killers", "my name is earl", "heli loggers", "gefilte diaries", and something about animal cops...as i try to think of six-letter words that end in 't' all i can really think about are lc and heidi, jon and kate, ellen and tony, liz lemon and kenneth, and all my other tv friends who are waiting for me to 'bloop bloop' in and see what entertainment they're waiting to provide to me! how can you mindlessly watch people chop down trees when michael scott just started his own paper company!?!